Disney Misconceptions I'm Tired of Hearing

I'm someone that's been an avid Disney fan for as long as I can remember. As such, I've seen the movies more times than I can count and have been to Disney World as many times. My house is flooded with Disney clothing, Disney memorabilia and Disney video games. So, as someone that loves Disney more than most things in life, it bothers me when people talk negatively about it. Or better yet, when I constantly hear misconceptions about the movies that couldn't be further from the truth. So, in an effort to fix that problem, I've decided to finally put it out there and hopefully educate people a little more about what gives me an endless amount of joy: Disney movies.

Misconception #1: Ariel only wanted to become a human because she met Prince Eric.

That is so incorrect that I can't even handle it. In the beginning of the movie, Ariel is swimming around with Flounder in a sunken ship looking for human things that she eventually brings to Scuttle. Scuttle helps "teach" her about human things and after that, she has an argument with her father about her fascination with humans. She even sings "Part of Your World", her "I want" song, before she even lays eyes on Eric for the first time. Eric didn't make her want to be a human. It was only after meeting Eric that she obtained the means to become human. If she'd had the opportunity before meeting him, she would've taken it.

Misconception #2: Cinderella's only dream was to find a man.

When we first meet Cinderella, she is asleep and eventually she gets woken up to start her work day. She tells the mice and birds that she had a wonderful dream that she can't share with them because it wouldn't come true. She then sings "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes". Even as she's singing, she never divulges her dream. Therefore, she NEVER states that her dream was to get married or find a man. In actuality, her dream was probably to escape her horrific lifestyle. And when she does go to the ball, she only wanted a night out. And heck, she deserved one. Her intention was to have fun, not settle down. That night just ended up giving her more than she ever could've anticipated.

Misconception #3: Snow White was a weak princess. 

Sure, Snow White isn't what is considered a "modern princess" but that doesn't make her weak. There are so many different kinds of strength in the world and they all should be appreciated. Snow White's strength was her positivity and optimism. Think about it. After the huntsman tried to kill her but then decided to let her go, she gets lost in the forest and is extremely scared. She'd just learned that her stepmom was so jealous of her that she was willing to kill her for it. She could never go back home and she'd never be safe if the queen knew she was out there. And yet, instead of dwelling on the negativity, she starts singing a song to the animals to cheer herself up. Instead of feeling sorry for herself, she chooses to pick herself up and move on, eventually finding the 7 dwarves' cottage. It is extremely easy to only see the negatives in life. It takes real strength to push past it and still see the world as a positive and beautiful place. So although Snow White isn't traditionally strong, that doesn't mean that she isn't strong. She is strong, just in her own way.

People love to give Disney princesses a lot of flack and I don't understand why. Their stories are about love, kindness and bravery and they're meant to bring people joy. So I hope that reading this has helped people realize that Disney princesses should be cut a little slack. They're so much more than women that just want to get married even though that's what people constantly try to portray them as.

-Chelsea

The Story Behind My Blog's Name

I've always been the type of person that wanted everyone to like me. I went out of my way not to step on anyone's toes and often kept my opinion to myself because I didn't want to disagree with or upset anyone. I always did my best to put everyone's happiness before my own. I told myself that they deserved it more than I did. I've done that for as long as I can remember but after a while, I realized that it wasn't enough for me anymore. Bottling everything up inside was becoming too much for me. I started to feel like a fake person because people were only seeing part of me, the part of me that I wanted them to see. But that was never my intention. I just wanted to avoid conflict at all cost and keep the peace, no matter what cost it brought to me.

But people close to me started to notice the effects of this and confronted me about it. Two people in particular sat me down and told me to "open my can of screw it". At first, I had absolutely no idea what that meant but they explained that I could never truly be happy unless I was absolutely and unapologetically myself. So what if I disagreed with others? That didn't mean that I had to keep my opinions locked up forever. So what if people didn't like me? I didn't like everyone I knew and that dislike didn't keep them from living their lives. I deserved happiness, respect and the freedom to be myself without caring what others thought.

They helped me realize how ridiculous and unrealistic my actions were. I spent so much of my life apologizing to others and to myself about my life, my thoughts, my likes, etc. But I had to realize that my thoughts and feelings were just as valid as everyone else's. "Opening my can" signified that I was okay with who I was and proved that I loved myself enough to show the world my truest self. I learned that expressing myself was the only way to be really free. And honestly, it helped me a bit with my anxiety because I wasn't so consumed with worry about what other people thought of me. I was focusing on self-love and self-care. It lifted a weight off of my shoulders and helped me breathe easier.

This is my life to live and I have to live it to the fullest. I can't do that if the real me is hiding in the shadows afraid to be seen or judged. So as soon as I "opened my can", I headed straight to this blog and changed the name to reflect that. I am who I am and I will no longer feel the need to apologize for that. I'm so glad that I finally made that decision and only wish that I had made it sooner. My life is so much better because of it.

So please, speak your truth and show absolutely everyone your true self. It's one of the best decisions that I've ever made and I will never regret it. It's impossible to make everyone happy but that's not your responsibility. It's only your responsibility to make yourself happy. Life is too short to spend any of it hiding. You were given a life and given a voice. Please use it. It took me a long time to learn that lesson. You are you for a reason and the world deserves a chance to know you.

-Chelsea

A Letter to My Baby

Dear Baby Smith,

There is so much that I don't know about you yet. I don't know your eye or hair color. I don't know your gender. I don't know what your father and I will name you. I don't know what kind of personality you'll have. But there is one thing that I do know, that I love you more deeply than I ever thought it was possible to love someone.

You'll never know just how badly I wanted you or how often I prayed to be a mother. The day that your father and I found out about you was the happiest day of our lives. I remember the total disbelief that I felt as I stared down at those two pink lines. It was happening. You were on your way. We were going to be parents and our lives would be forever changed for the better. From the second that I looked at that positive pregnancy test, I was a mother and nothing was more important than you. Nothing will ever be more important than you. I have seen you in an ultrasound and I have heard your heartbeat. Those moments will forever be solidified in my memory. I will never forget how lucky and blessed that I felt to get those tiny glimpses of you. Those moments made everything more real and added so much joy to my life.

I was creating life, your life. I was creating you. You are my greatest achievement and my proudest creation. I imagine all of the fun that we will have together, all of the laughs that we will share. I am treasuring every moment of this pregnancy. Please take your time growing. Take as long as you need. I can't wait to meet you but I know that you'll let me know when you're ready to meet the world.

I can't wait to kiss your cuts and bruises. I can't wait to teach you how to ride a bike. I can't wait to hold you for the first time. I can't wait to hear you laugh. I can't wait to watch you grow and learn. I can't wait to see the person that you will grow up to be. I can't wait to be your parent.

Your grandparents taught me a lot and I will definitely be using what they taught me when I raise you. I can't promise you that I will do everything right, no matter how hard I try. But please know, that no matter what, I will do my absolute best every single day. I will be learning right along with you. I will always do what I think is best for you. We will disagree at times and we'll get mad at each other. But it won't matter. Those things will pass. But what will never change is that we love each other and that will always be the most important thing.

You are so incredibly loved already and you aren't even here yet. But it's not just by your father and I. Our friends and family have rallied behind us and have been so supportive and loving. They all can't wait to meet you and welcome you into the world. You will always have an endless supply of love.

I will give you the best life that I can. I can't promise you the best that money can buy. I can't shower you with everything that you'll ever want. But I will always find a way to make sure that you get what you need. I will teach you everything that I can about life and help you navigate the complexities of your own. I will help you figure out who you are and teach you how to love yourself, no matter what. I will nurse your heartbreaks and hold you while you cry. I will always give you a shoulder to cry on. We are in this together and I will always be there for you. Your father and I will always be your biggest supporters, your biggest cheerleaders and your biggest fans.

Having you was our dream and now it is our next big adventure. Thank you for choosing us to be your parents. We love you so much already Baby Smith and I promise that our love will continue to grow as you do.

Love,

your mommy

#MeToo

The hashtag #MeToo has been all over social media for the past few days. For those of you who don't know, it is a movement that helps spread awareness for how many women have been sexually harassed or assaulted. The idea is that if women say "me too" that we will realize just how big the problem is.

I posted #MeToo on my Facebook page but to be honest, I almost didn't. I was embarrassed and for a minute I thought, what if the experiences that made me feel uncomfortable aren't valid? And then I realized that every single person that experiences sexual assault and sexual harassment is valid. Every person counts, no matter what. I think that sexual assault and harassment are not taken seriously enough in mainstream culture. But I cannot tell you how many people on Facebook, Twitter, etc., have said #MeToo. I applaud everyone's bravery and because of the countless people that have posted it, I know that this movement is working. People are talking about sexual harassment and assault. People are becoming aware of just how many women are sexually assaulted and harassed, whether it happened once or dozens of times. And every time that someone posts it, there is support. Some girls were brave enough to share their stories and it started a conversation that said our culture needs to get better at protecting each other.

As a female, I've experienced a lot of sexual harassment and some sexual assault but unfortunately, no repercussions ever came for those men that did those things to me. I worry not only about myself but also about my friends, my family, my little sister and my future kids. This is not the world that I want my future kids to grow up in, a world where people think that treating women like that is acceptable or funny.

So I am taking this opportunity to share SOME of my experiences with you all in an attempt to finally call out the men that did those unacceptable things to me. It is not okay and it never was okay.

To the guy in the produce section of my grocery store that came up behind me and grabbed my butt without permission

To the guy that followed me to my car every night after work and tried to convince me to sleep with him 

To the guy that grabbed my breast at work 

To the guy that came up behind me and groped me at my friend's birthday party 

To the boyfriend who tried to force me to sleep with him because he said "I owed it" to him 

To the boy that used to "joke" that he was going to rape me

Society has taught women to be silent when these things happen to us. Or to just ignore it. Or to "stop being so dramatic". Or "boys will be boys". No. Boys won't be boys. That is not, nor has it ever been, a valid excuse for this kind of behavior that falls on countless girls every day. There is no excuse and we will no longer be silent. We live in a culture where when a woman says she's been sexually harassed or assaulted, the first question people ask is "Well, what were you wearing?" Or they say something like "You were asking for it."

Sexual assault and harassment are not jokes and they shouldn't be treated like they are. I can guarantee you that when I was 13 years old and walking home from my local grocery store, I didn't "ask" to be followed by creepy men in their car all the way to the end of my street. And what a person's wearing has nothing to do with anything. If we "wanted it", it wouldn't be called assault or harassment. News flash, people. Those words mean that we didn't want it.

So no more excuses. No more blaming women. No more believing that "boys will be boys". I know that not every man is like this but it's time to call out the men that are. It's time to speak up about this issue and realize that it is a much bigger problem than most people think. I am absolutely heartbroken over reading my friends' and family members' stories and it's time to make sure that no other girl ever has a story like that again. Don't you think?

Me too.

-Chelsea

Pole Dancing: The Bigger Picture

It is no secret that pole dancing has brought nothing but joy to my life. I'm very vocal about my love my for everything about this sport. It has given me amazing friends, great memories, a new way to exercise, countless laughs and an outlet to express creativity. However, it has also given me a new addiction: competing. Pole dancing competitions are some of the most nerve-wracking things that I've ever done and I still love every second of them. As a naturally competitive person, of course, I want to win. But that doesn't always happen because that's life.

Today I got home from a competition and if I'm being honest, I was disappointed. I had fun going on a road trip with all of my friends from the studio and I had a great time competing. But when I saw my scores, honestly, I was upset. I was very proud of my routine and although I didn't expect to win, I couldn't understand why or how I scored the way that I did. It is difficult when you spend a lot of money to register, spend weeks working on a routine, go through the nerves, actually perform it and wait for the results, only to find out that you didn't do as well as you'd hoped. And that's how I felt when I looked at that score sheet.

Even though I was extremely mad and bitter about it, I had to take a step back and look at the situation. For my routine, I was playing a character and I needed two human props to make my concept happen. So my instructor and another friend from my studio helped out and became human props for my routine. To do that, they had to drive about six hours to the location, pay money to stay in a hotel, be a part of the routine, pay for all of their food while they were gone and drive six hours on the way back home. And they did that for me. Even though they didn't have to. Even though they were only in my routine for around 20 seconds. Even though it wasn't their routine.

Realizing that helped me see the bigger picture. I love pole dancing. I love competing. But what I love the most is the amazing community that I am a part of. Everyone within the community has repeatedly said that pole dancers are the most supportive, most loving, most caring people. Competitions are competitive, of course, but they are also full of men and women encouraging others to do their bests and praising them just for having the guts to try. I feel incredibly grateful and lucky to be a part of this community and to have made such amazing friendship bonds with people from my studio, and others.

I had a great time this weekend. Now that the competition is over, I can say that my placement doesn't matter. I had so much fun running my routine and I left my heart out on that stage. But most importantly, I know that the incredible friends that I've made though this sport have my back and always will. Thank you so much for all that you guys do for me. Please know that it is always noticed and will always be appreciated. I'll never take you all for granted and I don't know how to repay you for all that you've done for me over the past year and a half, or over this weekend. I'm blessed to know you and I love all of you.

-Chelsea

They Didn't Have to Be

One memory that has always stuck out to me happened when I was twelve years old, the night that our middle school play, "A Christmas Carol", premiered. I was playing the title role, Ebenezer Scrooge, and one of my friends was playing one of the ghosts. I remember us sitting in the auditorium together before the show, trying to calm our nerves. I reserved the whole first row of seats for my family and I asked my friend if she was going to reserve seats for her family as well. She said, "No, only my mom is coming." This caught me off-guard because I couldn't understand why her father wouldn't come. "Does your dad have to work tonight?" I asked. She shrugged and said, "No, he just never comes to anything." Since my parents literally came to every single event and performance that I was in, whether it was a chorus recital or a soccer game, I couldn't see why any other parents wouldn't do the same. She then said, "Don't worry. I'm used to it by now." But I could hear the disappointment in her voice and my heart broke for her.

It was then that I realized how lucky I was to have the type of hands-on parents that I did. I always knew that I was lucky. I had a very blessed childhood but I never realized just how lucky I was. As I got older, that feeling got stronger because I met more and more people who had much different experiences growing up than I did. Some had parents that never supported them. Some had parents that ignored them. Some had parents that didn't speak to them, etc. I became extremely aware that what was "normal" to me was a life that some kids wished for.

I've always been grateful for my parents but now that I'm older and I can look back on my childhood experiences, I am even more grateful, if that's possible. For as long as I can remember, my dad has had jobs that required him to get up at four in the morning so that he could get off at 2 p.m. He made the decision to work these hours so that he would be off early and have time to coach mine and my sister's various sports teams, mostly football, at night. Except for cheerleading, which my mother coached me in, my father coached me in every sport that I ever played. He wanted to make sure that he was involved in as much of my life as he could be. He never missed a second of my life outside of school and he became a second father-figure to the other girls on my teams, and unfortunately, there were quite a few who needed one. But he was happy to step into that role and be there not only for me but for my friends as well. And no matter how tired he got, he always let me know that he wouldn't change a thing about his life.

My mom was also always there for me whether it was on the bleachers at my sporting events or helping me navigate my teenage years and first few heartbreaks. She quit a job that she absolutely loved and thrived in because she knew that moving up in that company would mean sacrificing her time with me and my sister. And that was a sacrifice she wasn't willing to make. Also, for about 3 years of my childhood, she worked the night shift at her job. Since my sister and I were so active in sports, there were many days where my mother sacrificed sleep so that she could watch us play. She'll never know how much I appreciated that and everything else that she did for me. She's also told me many times that every sacrifice she made was worth it and that she'd do it again in a heartbeat if she needed to.

My parents always put me and my sister first, sometimes having to work two jobs to make sure that we were provided for. They always did the best that they could and never let us go without. Even now that they are divorced, they put aside their differences for the sake of my sister and I. I know plenty of other people who have divorced parents and their parents can't even be in the same room together. This puts a tremendous amount of stress on their child during special events like weddings and graduations, where both of the parents are present. This hasn't been an issue for me because my parents both recognized that they will be forever bonded because of my sister and I. So for our sakes, they get along and focus on what's important, not their differences but their children.

My dad once told me that "Some people are parents. But some people are just people that have kids". I didn't know what he meant at the time but now I do. Without a doubt, my mom and dad are parents and they were meant to be parents. I used to think that being a parent meant that you had to do all of the things that they did for me and my sister but I've learned that it doesn't. My parents chose to be involved, to make sacrifices and to support me in whatever endeavors I pursued.

So thank you, Mom and Dad, for being the parents that you didn't have to be, for being the parents that you chose to be. I only hope that whenever I have children, that I'll be half the parent that you guys were.

I love you,

Chelsea

You Can't Have My Power

Recently, it feels like certain people in my life, people that I trusted, have gone out of their way to make me feel small, to prove to me that they don't really care about me. It made me realize that our "friendships" were just superficial, that once you got underneath the surface, there wasn't really anything there. It's something that I've been struggling with because I really thought that these people were my friends. But, over the course of my life, I've had to learn and re-learn a very hard and important lesson, that everybody doesn't always care about you the way that you care about them.

This has been especially hard for me to deal with because I'm just naturally a fiercely loyal friend. I'm that friend that you call at 3 o'clock in the morning because you're crying or you just need someone to talk to. I'm that friend that you call when you're drunk at a party and you can't drive home. I'm that friend that will be there for you every second of every day. I'm that friend that, even if we haven't talked in 10+ years, if you called me and said that you needed help, I'd be there for you. I will always pick up the phone and I will always be there. That's who I am and that's who I was raised to be. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

                                                  I'll always be able to count on Kelsey. :)

But on the other side of the coin, it leaves me very vulnerable to heartache and disappointment because, unfortunately, some people are only your "friends" on the surface. They say that you're their friend but when push comes to shove, they're not there for you. And you know what? It's a hard lesson to learn but I'm still glad that I learned it. I'd rather know who is a true friend and who isn't. It saves me from wasting even more of my time on them and allows me to focus on the people that truly care about me. And now I know without a doubt, who these few, select people are. The people that will always be there for me, without a doubt, without even a second thought and for that, I feel lucky.

Sisters and best friends for life. :)

For too much of my life, I have let people affect how I view myself and I refuse to be that person anymore. So if someone doesn't want to be a part of my life or someone doesn't want to be a true friend to me, I am better off without them and I will not let it negatively impact my life. Toxicity has no place in my life. You will no longer have the power to affect my self-esteem. You will no longer have the power to make me doubt myself. You will no longer have the power to make me cry. You will no longer have any power over me at all. All of that power is mine and I'm taking it back. I'm taking back complete and total control of my power and you know what? I feel sorry for you. I'm a really great friend and I truly would've done anything for you. I don't regret losing you but you're definitely going to regret losing me.

-Chelsea

P.S. If we were friends in the past, please know that even though I moved over a thousand miles away, I'm still rooting for you; I'm still in your corner. And if you ever need me, I'm still here for you, just a phone call away. And I genuinely mean that.