When People Show You Who They Really Are, You Have to Believe Them

You know how you can tell who your true friends are, the people who really care about you? They tell you things that you don't want to hear. They're honest with you, even if you don't want to hear it. They know that you need to hear it. 

This happened to me two days ago and I keep thinking about it. For a while now, there have been strains in a few of my relationships, ones that should have been easily avoided. Unfortunately, I can't say that I'm surprised that they happened. But the weight of how I've been treated by these people has been keeping me down and affecting me. I'm constantly thinking about it because the pain is so raw and I honestly can't believe that these people would be willing to hurt me like that. 

So as I'm venting to my best friend, she tells me that I'm the one who is hurting myself. She points out that these people have shown me exactly who they are on multiple occasions and that the pain I'm feeling is coming from the fact that I'm hoping that these people will change. But they won't. And to be honest, I didn't want to hear that but the more that I thought about it, I realized that she was right. I'm allowing them to hurt me and in doing so, I'm only hurting myself because they're not losing any sleep over their behavior. Only I am. 

I'm someone that feels things very deeply, someone that was raised to be a good person that considered other peoples' feelings. I would never intentionally hurt someone else or make them feel the way that I have been lately. That's why I can't wrap my brain around this situation and I keep waiting for it to change. But it's not going to because these people aren't me; they weren't raised like I was. These people don't care about me. These people don't deserve me in their lives and they definitely don't deserve to have me obsessing over their behavior towards me. 

I've asked quite a few people for advice about how to handle this and every person keeps telling me the same thing. They tell me to put my guard up and protect my feelings. They tell me to toughen up and put a fence around my heart so that these people can't hurt me anymore. They tell me to cut these people out of my life and if I ever do see them again, be cold to them. And I know that they're right but it feels so weird to go against my natural instincts. I always want to fix problems. I always want to see the best in people. I always want to give people more chances than they probably deserve. But at the end of the day, all that I get is wasted time and heartache. 

It hurts me to know that the actions of other people are forcing me to change. I don't feel like that's fair but I guess that's life. It isn't fair sometimes. And if being cold sometimes and learning not to care as much is going to help me stay mentally healthy, then that's what I'm going to have to do. Obsessing over this has taken up too much of my life already and I need to focus on what I can change, which is how I approach these types of situations. I have to toughen up. My son needs my time and energy, not these people that do nothing but break my heart and cause me to question what I ever did to deserve such treatment. 

I consider myself to be an extremely passionate person who wears their heart on their sleeves. So training myself to be tougher is going to be really hard for me but I need to set an example for my son. He needs to know that nobody else should ever make him question his self-worth. He needs to know that protecting yourself doesn't make you a bad person. He needs to know that negative people are toxic and that negativity is contagious. And he needs to know that I'll do anything to protect us from people that don't have our best interests at heart. So even though I'm very sensitive, feel things on a deep level and have difficulty letting things go, I feel as if I've got no choice but to try to be stronger than I've ever been. Holding onto the past and holding onto people that have already let go is not going to propel me forward. From now on, I'm going to be much more selective of the people that I let into my inner circle. I'm gonna do whatever I can to stop hurting myself and stop other people from hurting me. It isn't worth it and it's making life tougher than it already is. And I officially don't have time for it anymore. 

I'm only sorry that it took me this long to accept the truth: that when people show you who they really are, you have to believe them.

-Chelsea 

I Believe

Have you ever logged onto Facebook or Twitter and been bombarded with tons of people spewing their negative opinions over an issue, whether it's big or small? You know what I mean, something like, "If you're for gun control then you and I can't be friends." It baffles me that people think that their opinions are gospel or that they think that someone having a different opinion than them constitutes losing a friendship. And speaking for myself, seeing someone write something like that doesn't make me want to change my opinion or fight to keep their friendship anyway. In my opinion, that's not classy.

The thing is, I think that people take that, "What's on your mind?" question that Facebook asks you every time that you log on and they forget to use their own mental filter. The purpose of social media sites such as Facebook and Twitter is not to air your dirty laundry or start drama based on controversial opinions. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for expressing your opinion, if it's in a classy way. For example, let's refer back to the gun control issue, if you MUST express your opinion on it via tweet or status, then say it nicely, like, "Our country's issues with gun control upset me." It isn't as angry, you still look classy, your opinion gets shared and, for what it's worth, you keep my respect.

Now I was always told never to talk about religion or politics because everyone's opinions are private and they shouldn't feel the pressure to talk to me about anything controversial. I completely agree with that. I like to keep my thoughts on those subjects personal as well.  Plus, I'm not looking for a fight. So even though I used gun control as an example (because my Facebook wall was CONSTANTLY filled with people complaining about it) I will not be sharing my opinions or beliefs on the matter or any other political and/or religious views.

But in an effort to lighten up this post, I'm going to tell you about some POSITIVE things that I do believe in! Enjoy and thank you all for reading!

1. I believe that everyone has a purpose.


2. I believe that people come into your life for a reason.


3. I believe in karma.


4. I believe in true love.


5. I believe in chasing your dreams.


6. I believe in hard work and dedication.


7. I believe in the power of your imagination.

"That Friend"

Did you ever have "that friend"? The one who, when you were growing up, you thought was so cool and so loyal to you? And did you think that you were so lucky to be a part of their life because they were such a great friend? And did you ever look back at that time in your life and realize how blind you were and that they weren't as great as you originally thought that they were? Well, that happened to me.

I had a friend, who shall remain nameless, that I thought the world of. I would have done anything for her, even died for her if it came to that. (I'm a very loyal friend.) For years I worshiped this girl and I was so jealous of her because I thought that she had everything that I wanted.

But strangely enough, that wasn't the case. In fact, it was just the opposite. She was jealous of everything that I had. But instead of talking this through with me, she would tear me down and sometimes it was in such small ways that I didn't realize how badly it hurt me until years later. She tried to make herself feel better by attacking my insecurities subtly but also by making herself available to me as a friend when it was convenient for her, preying on the fact that I didn't have the ability to make friends easily.

Although I could go on about the feelings of manipulation that I felt for so long. I take responsibility for not speaking up and telling her how I felt and how badly she hurt me. I just wish that my self-esteem had been better at the time and I wouldn't have put up with it for so long. But you live and learn and now I know better than to ever let that happen to me again.

Sometimes people come into your life as lessons and when you're done learning from them, they leave. This person taught me what toxicity and negativity can do to a person and that I don't want them in my life. She is no longer in my life and sometimes I miss what I thought that we had. But people don't always live up to our expectations but don't forget that there are still amazing people out in the world that will bring you up instead of tear you down. However, I'm actually glad that this person came into my life because I value the lesson that she taught me.

Since she has left my life, I have surrounded myself only with people that care about me and want to see me thrive as a successful woman and I've never been happier. I can only hope that if you have experienced the same things that I have, that it has gotten better; I truly hope that it has. <3