My friends and family all know that being a published writer is my ultimate dream. But very few people actually ask to read anything that I've written. So the other day when I was talking to a friend of mine who was asking me questions about starting a blog, I was thrown off when she asked to read some of my other work. But I thought, why not? So I pulled out my phone and showed her one of my favorite pieces that I've ever written and anxiously awaited for her response.
Now, this was something that a younger Chelsea would never have done. I've wanted to be a writer since I was 8 years old but when I was growing up, I didn't have the confidence to share my work. I would work really hard on a piece or a story and then, when it was finished, I would hide it from everyone. My parents would ask to read everything but I always told them that I was too scared. But I wasn't afraid that they'd react badly or criticize my work. I was afraid that I wasn't as good as I thought I was or wanted to be. When I would work on a piece, I'd feel extremely confident as I was writing it. I knew that I was good and I knew that I was doing what I was meant to do. But as soon as it came time to share my work, I experienced a vulnerability unlike anything else I'd ever felt. and it's been a really difficult battle for me to fight with my inner self and the voices of doubt in my head.
I often heard that I couldn't be a writer if I didn't show people my work and even though I knew that was true, I couldn't bring myself to do it. And even though I've been taking writing lessons for years and have spent a majority of my free time both reading and writing, trying to better myself, I still experienced a huge amount of self-doubt about my abilities. But being a writer is who I am. It's how I express myself. It's what I identify with. I love writing more than anything else in the world. I couldn't imagine my life without it. So I knew that in order to achieve my dream, I would have to quiet that doubtful little voice in my head and listen to what I knew was true.
And here is the truth: Nobody has ever told me that I wasn't a good writer. My teachers always had positive things to say about my work. My friends and family always praised what little work I did show them. Everyone always genuinely believed in me and my abilities. But for some reason, I chose to listen to fear because fear's voice was so loud that it drowned out the voices of everyone else. And very recently, I learned a very important lesson, that fear is a liar. Fear was what was holding me back from reaching my potential and fear only made me see what could go wrong, not what could go right.
So to bring this back to my original story, when my friend read my work the other day, she handed my phone back to me and with the utmost sincerity said, "You need to be published. That was so good. You deserve to be published and your story needs to be shared." I can't explain the immense pride that I felt as I listened to her say such beautiful things. It was a real "aha" moment for me. I worked really hard on the piece that I showed her, and it was a very intimate, personal piece. Showing it to her put me in a really vulnerable place and instead of shying away from showing it to her, I chose to embrace it. And I got more confirmation for what I already knew, that I'm on the right track.
I keep thinking about that conversation, replaying it over and over in my head. And I can't think about it without getting a huge smile on my face. We live in a world where people are quick to tear each other down. The things that we see on the news or on social media make us fear for humanity and can make us wonder if there are anymore good people in the world. And my conversation with my friend the other day made me realize how important it is to spread kindness to others. She could have just said, "That was nice" and left it at that. But she didn't. She told me to go after my dreams and said the words "You should be published", taking it a step further. I've honestly been riding on a high ever since she said that.
So please know how much your words can affect someone else. If you have the chance to compliment someone or provide them with words of encouragement, do it. You never know how much they'll appreciate it or how much they need to hear it. Hearing those words has helped fuel me to keep working on my current project and actually achieve my dream. And even though I knew that I would never give up on my dream, it was still incredibly helpful to be reminded that other people believe in me too. So I am letting go of my fear and not only holding onto my dreams and my life's purpose, I'm holding onto those words. And you know what? I think she's right and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make that happen for me.
-Chelsea
