I'm "That" Friend

"I'm that friend that has to walk behind the group when the path isn't big enough. I'm that friend that gets cut off in the conversation. I'm that friend that gets left behind when I asked them to wait for me. I'm that friend that doesn't get invited to hang out a lot. I'm that friend that if I want to go to the mall or some place with a friend, I have to be the one to invite people to make sure that I get included. I'll always be that friend."

I saw this quote floating around Instagram and it was so dead on about how my life with my friends is that it actually hurt a bit. I am "that" friend and I always have been. It breaks my heart to know that other people feel that way too but at least I know that it's not just me.

I don't keep it a secret that I'm an introvert; I proclaim it all over the internet. However, even though I am introverted, that doesn't mean that I don't like to go out with my friends every once in a while. But just as the quote above states, I don't get invited anywhere. If I want to go out, I have to call all of my friends until someone agrees to come hang out with me. The pure accuracy of this quote really hits home because I really am the friend that gets kicked off of the sidewalk every time that there isn't enough room. Everyone cuts me off in the conversation and they brush over whatever I say. The thing is, no matter what I do to make this better or change it, it doesn't get better and unfortunately, I don't see it getting better any time soon.

It makes me wonder what I've ever done to my friends to deserve this kind of treatment and I honestly can't think of anything that I've ever done to them to warrant this behavior. I don't see what about me is so unlikable. I treat everyone else the way that I want to be treated, especially since I get treated so poorly. People wonder why I stay home on Friday nights and read. "You're young," they say. "You should be out at the movies or at a club with your friends." I wish that I were most nights but I don't have that bond with anyone. Right now, I don't have a best friend. Sometimes I wonder if I ever did. I've always been that friend that people called only when they needed something because they knew that I'd be there in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

The thing is, I've gotten so used to being alone and being "that" friend, that I find it so odd when people actually want to hang out with me. Being alone with my books is what I know and it is my comfort zone. Not to mention, I've seen myself as that person that nobody wants to be around and it shattered my self-confidence. However, now I'm trying to get to a point to where I can change that and learn to love myself even more.

A wise man once told me that if you can count the number of true friends that you have on one hand, you're a lucky person. Right now, I can only name one person that is my true friend that isn't blood related to me and I bet that you all know who that is. I wish that I could say more but right now, I can't. But that's okay, when I move away, I'll meet people who are going through the same things as I am, being a military spouse and I'll gain new, stronger friendships that will last a lifetime. It will all work out in the end and I'll no longer be "that" friend. I'll make sure of it.