We've been through so much over the years and I'm so sorry for what I've put you through. I've always considered myself a pretty good person, until I remember how I've treated you for your entire life. You're so loyal, so passionate and most of all, you're one of the most loving people I know. But for some reason, I never let you give any of that love to yourself. And I should've. You have more than enough to give. And maybe, if I did, you wouldn't have struggled so much with your self-esteem or confidence.
I'm sorry that I let you care so much about what other people thought of you. Those people whose opinions helped shape your self-image aren't even in your life anymore. I'm sorry that I allowed you to settle for less than you deserved. I'm sorry that you found more comfort by yourself than you did with others. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you to speak up for yourself. I'm sorry that I was so tough on you and put expectations on you that nobody could realistically reach. I'm sorry that I let your mind wander and dwell in such dark places. I'm sorry that I allowed your loyalty to others to keep you in situations that you knew would end up hurting you. I'm sorry that I let you be easily guilted into doing things that you didn't want to do. I'm sorry for wasting so much of your time. I'm sorry I allowed you to feel, at times, unspeakable pain and that I didn't give you the courage to share it with your friends and family. I'm sorry for everything that I've put you through and that I forced you to go through it all alone.
I know that you can't see it right now but I promise you, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. At twenty-five years old, you're so much more than what you thought you could ever be. You have everything you ever wanted. You're married and recently had your first incredible child. You faced your biggest fear and accomplished your biggest dream when you published your first book last year. You earned an English degree. You recently got hired as an editor and just finished editing your first client's book. You have a beautiful house and the best friends that you could've asked for. Your life is an adventure. You've lived in three different states. You worked as a nanny to put yourself through college. You've traveled on multiple girls' trips with your friends. You took up competitive pole dancing. You've pushed yourself outside your comfort zone and went after everything you wanted, regardless of your fears. You've made the most incredible memories and found so much strength inside of you that you never knew existed. I promise you, Chelsea, that you might have seen yourself as invisible, different or even, at times, unlikeable but you are and have always been extraordinary. And I am so sorry that I ever let you think otherwise.
Your life is wonderful and so different than you could've ever dreamed. And what's exciting is how much more potential it has. You used to see the world in black and white. But trust me, not only are there shades of gray, there are so many colors. You've grown so much as a person and every day you're molding yourself into who you're meant to be. You're a work in progress and you have so much more to learn. But don't be overwhelmed. Just look at how far you've come and look at the lessons you've learned.
Your anxiety doesn't define you. Your happiness isn't dependent on what others think of you. You were given natural gifts and talent, so it is your responsibility to use them. No matter what, there is always room for more love in your heart, so you have no excuse not to give it to yourself. And just because you're not perfect doesn't mean that people will love you any less.
You used to always say, "I'm not a pessimist. I'm a realist." And I'm here to tell you, Chelsea, that perception is reality. If you allow yourself to see yourself as the strong, independent, capable, funny, smart and likeable woman you truly are, your life will change in the blink of an eye. And I wish that I could've done that for you. I'm so sorry that, especially during your teenage years, I allowed you to scrutinize yourself and see the world in a negative light. You have so much to offer the world and the world has so much to offer you. You just have to be willing to see it.
I am so sorry for everything, more than you'll ever know. But I also need to thank you for all that you've taught me. I'm the woman I am today because of you and I wouldn't want to be anyone else.
-Chelsea
