"That Friend"

Did you ever have "that friend"? The one who, when you were growing up, you thought was so cool and so loyal to you? And did you think that you were so lucky to be a part of their life because they were such a great friend? And did you ever look back at that time in your life and realize how blind you were and that they weren't as great as you originally thought that they were? Well, that happened to me.

I had a friend, who shall remain nameless, that I thought the world of. I would have done anything for her, even died for her if it came to that. (I'm a very loyal friend.) For years I worshiped this girl and I was so jealous of her because I thought that she had everything that I wanted.

But strangely enough, that wasn't the case. In fact, it was just the opposite. She was jealous of everything that I had. But instead of talking this through with me, she would tear me down and sometimes it was in such small ways that I didn't realize how badly it hurt me until years later. She tried to make herself feel better by attacking my insecurities subtly but also by making herself available to me as a friend when it was convenient for her, preying on the fact that I didn't have the ability to make friends easily.

Although I could go on about the feelings of manipulation that I felt for so long. I take responsibility for not speaking up and telling her how I felt and how badly she hurt me. I just wish that my self-esteem had been better at the time and I wouldn't have put up with it for so long. But you live and learn and now I know better than to ever let that happen to me again.

Sometimes people come into your life as lessons and when you're done learning from them, they leave. This person taught me what toxicity and negativity can do to a person and that I don't want them in my life. She is no longer in my life and sometimes I miss what I thought that we had. But people don't always live up to our expectations but don't forget that there are still amazing people out in the world that will bring you up instead of tear you down. However, I'm actually glad that this person came into my life because I value the lesson that she taught me.

Since she has left my life, I have surrounded myself only with people that care about me and want to see me thrive as a successful woman and I've never been happier. I can only hope that if you have experienced the same things that I have, that it has gotten better; I truly hope that it has. <3