It's Not Because I'm a Girl

My father told me a few hours ago that someone he knows recently made a comment about how girls don't belong on the football field. He expressed his disappointment in this person and his sexism. And even though hours have passed, I can't seem to stop thinking about that comment. As a girl, I've encountered my fair share of sexism over the course of my life. But the fact that sexism is still around boggles my mind.

It's 2018 and women are somehow still fighting the same fight that they've been fighting for decades. They still have to fight for equality, equal pay in some cases and feminist principles. And no, feminism does not mean that women think they are superior to men. It means that women want equality within the sexes. It's no secret that men tend to have it easier in life and that women have to fight twice as hard to earn half the respect of their male counterparts. And you know what? It's just wrong. Plain and simple. That is not to say that everyone thinks this way. But the fact that there still are people that do and there are still extra hurdles that women have to jump through is still a large and unnecessary problem.

I played football for over ten years of my life. Being a football player was a core part of my identity. And guess what? I was pretty darn good. I could throw a ball just as good, if not better, than every boy also out there on that field. So when I hear people say that girls shouldn't be involved in football, I take it very personally. People knew that I was good and as a result, a lot of people respected me for it. But that doesn't mean that everyone did and that I wasn't subject to their sexist opinions and comments.

But here's the thing. I know that there are boys out there that are better athletes than me. I know that there are boys out there that are smarter than me. I know that there are boys out there that are more talented than me. But here's the kicker: It's not because they're boys. Maybe it's because they studied harder than I did. Maybe it's because they worked harder than I did. Maybe it's because they have a natural ability that I don't have. Whatever the case may be, no boy has ever been better than me at anything simply because he's a boy. And I resent the idea that that would be the case.

On the other hand, I've also met boys that I'm smarter than. I've met boys that aren't as athletic as me. I've met boys that aren't as talented as me. And do you know why I was better than them at those things? Because of all of the same answers that I listed above. Because I did the work. Because I worked harder. Because I studied. Because I was born with my own set of natural talents. All of the successes that I've had in my life were not achieved despite the fact that I was a girl. My gender is absolutely irrelevant and people need to stop acting like a person's gender is the end-all of labels and expectations. It's not. If I believed that, I never would've fallen in love with football and I never would've believed that I was just as capable of doing anything that boys can. That belief would've held me back in life and I never would've been able to see myself for what I truly am.

I have NEVER in my life heard ANYONE say that a boy can't do something "because he's a boy". But do you know how many times I've heard people say that I can't do something because I'm a girl? Countless. And it's sickening. What is the main difference between boys and girls? A single body part. Why should my self-worth, my abilities, my brain, my athleticism or anything else in my life be defined by a single, solitary body part? Why are my abilities questioned because of my gender but boys aren't? It's unfair and quite frankly, it's getting old. Scratch that. It is old.

It's 2018 and it's time for the people who still think antiquated, sexist thoughts to get with the times already. Girls are just as valuable as boys are. Girls are just as capable as boys are. Girls are just as smart as boys are. Girls are just as athletic as boys are. Girls are so much more than people give them credit for and we deserve the respect that boys don't have to fight for.

I am strong. I am confident. I am athletic. I am smart. I am worthy. I am talented. I am successful. And none of those things, none at all, are in spite of the fact that I'm a girl. I deserve a place at the table. I deserve credit. I deserve to be judged by my character and not my gender. I deserve respect. And I deserve to be on that football field.

And so does every other girl.

So don't get it twisted. Any shortcomings that I've experienced in my life did not happen because I'm a girl. I am proud of who I am and I am proud of the fight that millions of brave women fight every single day for respect and equality. But what I am not proud of is people who blame my gender for anything or see my gender as a limitation. Shame on you.

-Chelsea

All Because Two People Fell in Love

When my grandmother went on a two week trip to Florida back in 1956, she had no idea that she'd meet her future husband. A true romantic at heart, she was a woman that always dreamed of getting married and having a large family. Although she never knew that she'd obtain it this way, that trip ended up giving her the adventure of a lifetime.

My grandparents were married for over thirty years before my grandfather passed away in 1989. During their time together, they experienced all of the trials and tribulations that life had to offer them and had five children along the way. Three of those five children ended up having children, continuing the family line. My father was the youngest of those five boys and married my mother when he was 20 years old.

A few years later, I came along and a few years after that came my sister. For years, we were all blissfully happy together and I legitimately thought that I was the luckiest kid alive. I was raised in an extremely loving environment and constantly told my friends that my parents would be together forever. Unfortunately, that isn't what happened. People tend to look at divorce as a failed marriage but I don't see it that way.

Let me explain. My parents genuinely loved each other. There was no doubt about that. I could see it in the way that my father looked at my mother. I could hear my mother's adoration for my father in her voice. Love was something that constantly resonated throughout our house. Family time was sacred in our house. We were always together, playing in the pool, going to football games, having family movie nights on Fridays. My sister and I had a genuinely blessed childhood where we got to learn what real love is and how to show it to others.

My parents grew apart and that happens. It's life. I still believe that when they did eventually separate that they still had love for each other in their hearts. But life doesn't always work out the way that you want it to and you have to take the good with the bad. Do I wish that my parents were still together? Sometimes. But does the fact that they're not mean that their marriage was a failure? Absolutely not. Saying that would take away every wonderful and positive thing that happened because of their marriage and that would be an absolute shame. The joy and love that was created through their marriage was and is still bigger than their divorce will ever be.

When I look back on my life, I think about the examples that I was given and about what family really means. My parents' marriage taught me to be respectful to my partner, to communicate my feelings, to always stand up for what I want, to always put the kids first, etc. My parents taught me that if you are going to commit to something, you gotta give it your all.

I can't look at my parents' marriage and see a failure. Because do you know what I see? The purity of young love and hopefulness. A couple's determination to fight through the rough, formative years of their young 20s. The birth of me and my sister. A couple that never missed a single football game or chorus recital. A family that encouraged dreaming big and reaching for the stars. I see a father who spent hours building a jungle gym for me and my sister in the dark so that we could wake up to it on Christmas morning. I see a mother who spent years working the night shift at a job to help my family make end's meet, who still found a way to wake up during the day and take care of my sister and I. 

Everything that has ever happened to my sister and I is only possible because my parents fell in love and took a chance on that love. And everything that they experienced and learned was only possible because their parents fell in love. Now, I'm starting a family of my own and my husband and I will be creating new memories with our son. And we will strive to give our son the best childhood and examples that we can, just like my parents did with me. My son wouldn't be here if my husband and I didn't take a chance on our own love. Our son was created out of that love and will relish in that love, just as I did with my parents and extended family growing up. Taking a chance on love was something that just felt natural to me and has given me the greatest gifts and adventures of my life. But hey, I guess it was in my blood, right?

So thank you, Grandma and Grandpa. I wish that you were still around to see everything and everyone that your love created. None of this would be possible without you. And thank you Mom and Dad. I get to live my best life because you fell in love over thirty years ago. That love helped create me and Kelly and now that love is being passed down to my son. So thank you. The love my family has created has demonstrated just how powerful love can truly be. My family exists, just as many other families do, all because 2 people fell in love. And I know that the cycle will continue with my own son.

-Chelsea

Learn a Little More About Me

A while back, I dropped the ball on this whole blogging thing and very recently, I've been trying to make a conscious effort to start posting on a more regular basis. Once I started becoming more active, I gained a couple new followers. So, thank you to everyone that has decided to follow me, both new and old. I thought that since new people would be following along with me on my journey that it might be a good idea to introduce myself a bit and share some things about myself that you might not know from my blog posts. I hope you enjoy getting to know me a little bit more about me.

1. I'm allergic to cats. This is a common allergy in my family. In fact, most people on my father's side of the family are allergic to cats.

2. I'm very hard on myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect even though I know it's unattainable. It's caused a lot of unnecessary strife in my life and it's a problem that I'm making a conscious effort to try to solve.

3. I have an English degree with an emphasis in Literature. I graduated on October 21st of last year and it was one of the best feelings of my entire life.

4. I'm very frugal. I try my best to use coupons when I can and make sure to buy things that are on sale. I've always been this way though. Even as a child, I was a saver and hardly ever touched the money in my piggy bank. I have a very healthy respect for money and know the value of a dollar.

5. If I'm reading a book, I always feel the need to finish it. Even if I'm not enjoying the book, I feel like I have to know how it ends. After investing so much time into it, I feel like if I don't finish it, then I've just wasted my time. Either way you look at it, it can be seen as a waste of time, which is even more frustrating to me. Unfortunately, it's a habit of mine that's been very hard to kick.

I hope that you've enjoyed this little insight into getting to know me better and that you stick around to learn more.

-Chelsea

Please Stop Asking Me This

When a major event happens in your life, some people congratulate you and others tend to ask you inappropriate questions. For example, when I was 20 years old, my boyfriend and I decided to get married before he went into the army. I recognize that 20 is a very young age to get married but it was my choice. And yet, the people that weren't happy for me proceeded to ask me, "What? Are you pregnant or something?"

For the record, I wasn't pregnant. But even if I was, it wouldn't have been anyone's business. If I wanted to tell you, I would have. But the inappropriate questions didn't stop once I got married. People constantly asked me when I was going to have a baby. Some people even went as far as to tell me "It's what women do. They get married and then they have babies". I wasn't ready to have a baby yet and I didn't appreciate the insinuation that it was my "job" to do so. I didn't like the judgment that I got from people. They weren't going to raise the baby, so why was it their business to push me before I was ready? Pressuring someone to get pregnant is inappropriate on many levels because that decision is between the couple and the couple alone. But, on another note, some women can't conceive or have trouble conceiving. So, especially if you don't know the whole story, please keep that question to yourself.

But now that I am pregnant (just under 5 months), the inappropriate questions haven't stopped. Once I started telling people, I had many conversations that went like this:

Person: "What do you want to have?"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Person: "The baby. What kind do you want to have?"
Me: A healthy one.
Person: (Rolls eyes) "I know that but what do you want?"
Me: A healthy baby.
Person: "You know what I mean. Do you want a boy or a girl?"
Me: "Yeah, I do know what you meant. And I meant what I said. I don't care if I have a boy or a girl. I just want them to be healthy. That's all that matters."

My husband and I have both wanted kids for years but wanted to wait for the right time. Now that it is the right time and we both feel that we're ready, we're excited for the adventure of parenthood. But if we would've been unhappy with whatever gender our child would have ended up being, then that would've meant that we weren't ready for parenthood. A baby is a gift and I am beyond happy to know not only am I having a son but that he is healthy.

When my husband and I found out that we were having a boy about a week and a half ago, we were incredibly happy. The ultrasound tech told us that everything looked good and that he was developing nicely. I was filled with joy as I saw my son on the screen and even got to see him smile. We were very excited as we announced to our friends and family that we were having a boy. We received many congratulations messages and lots of support. But even then, some people still chose to ask us inappropriate questions and imply that I had a reason to be unhappy.

Person: "You found out the gender? What are you having?"
Me: "We're having a boy!"
Person: "Oh. Are you okay with that?"
Me: "Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?"
Person: "Are you okay with not having a girl?"
Me: "I don't care about the gender. All I asked for was a healthy baby. I'm ecstatic to be having a boy."

My son is the greatest gift that I'll ever receive and he is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so lucky to be his mother. I'm lucky to be able to carry him. I'm lucky to be able to nurture him. And when he's here, I'll be lucky to raise him and help him become a man. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I had a gut feeling that I was carrying a boy. And you know what? I was thrilled. I've wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. So for people to imply that I would be upset that I was carrying a boy is extremely upsetting. The appropriate response when someone tells you that they are pregnant or for when they tell you the gender of their child is: "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!"

So please, stop implying that I would love my son less than I would love a daughter. Please stop asking me if I'm "okay with" having a boy. Honestly, I couldn't be happier and I'm counting down the days until I get to meet him.

-Chelsea

Disney Misconceptions I'm Tired of Hearing

I'm someone that's been an avid Disney fan for as long as I can remember. As such, I've seen the movies more times than I can count and have been to Disney World as many times. My house is flooded with Disney clothing, Disney memorabilia and Disney video games. So, as someone that loves Disney more than most things in life, it bothers me when people talk negatively about it. Or better yet, when I constantly hear misconceptions about the movies that couldn't be further from the truth. So, in an effort to fix that problem, I've decided to finally put it out there and hopefully educate people a little more about what gives me an endless amount of joy: Disney movies.

Misconception #1: Ariel only wanted to become a human because she met Prince Eric.

That is so incorrect that I can't even handle it. In the beginning of the movie, Ariel is swimming around with Flounder in a sunken ship looking for human things that she eventually brings to Scuttle. Scuttle helps "teach" her about human things and after that, she has an argument with her father about her fascination with humans. She even sings "Part of Your World", her "I want" song, before she even lays eyes on Eric for the first time. Eric didn't make her want to be a human. It was only after meeting Eric that she obtained the means to become human. If she'd had the opportunity before meeting him, she would've taken it.

Misconception #2: Cinderella's only dream was to find a man.

When we first meet Cinderella, she is asleep and eventually she gets woken up to start her work day. She tells the mice and birds that she had a wonderful dream that she can't share with them because it wouldn't come true. She then sings "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes". Even as she's singing, she never divulges her dream. Therefore, she NEVER states that her dream was to get married or find a man. In actuality, her dream was probably to escape her horrific lifestyle. And when she does go to the ball, she only wanted a night out. And heck, she deserved one. Her intention was to have fun, not settle down. That night just ended up giving her more than she ever could've anticipated.

Misconception #3: Snow White was a weak princess. 

Sure, Snow White isn't what is considered a "modern princess" but that doesn't make her weak. There are so many different kinds of strength in the world and they all should be appreciated. Snow White's strength was her positivity and optimism. Think about it. After the huntsman tried to kill her but then decided to let her go, she gets lost in the forest and is extremely scared. She'd just learned that her stepmom was so jealous of her that she was willing to kill her for it. She could never go back home and she'd never be safe if the queen knew she was out there. And yet, instead of dwelling on the negativity, she starts singing a song to the animals to cheer herself up. Instead of feeling sorry for herself, she chooses to pick herself up and move on, eventually finding the 7 dwarves' cottage. It is extremely easy to only see the negatives in life. It takes real strength to push past it and still see the world as a positive and beautiful place. So although Snow White isn't traditionally strong, that doesn't mean that she isn't strong. She is strong, just in her own way.

People love to give Disney princesses a lot of flack and I don't understand why. Their stories are about love, kindness and bravery and they're meant to bring people joy. So I hope that reading this has helped people realize that Disney princesses should be cut a little slack. They're so much more than women that just want to get married even though that's what people constantly try to portray them as.

-Chelsea

The Story Behind My Blog's Name

I've always been the type of person that wanted everyone to like me. I went out of my way not to step on anyone's toes and often kept my opinion to myself because I didn't want to disagree with or upset anyone. I always did my best to put everyone's happiness before my own. I told myself that they deserved it more than I did. I've done that for as long as I can remember but after a while, I realized that it wasn't enough for me anymore. Bottling everything up inside was becoming too much for me. I started to feel like a fake person because people were only seeing part of me, the part of me that I wanted them to see. But that was never my intention. I just wanted to avoid conflict at all cost and keep the peace, no matter what cost it brought to me.

But people close to me started to notice the effects of this and confronted me about it. Two people in particular sat me down and told me to "open my can of screw it". At first, I had absolutely no idea what that meant but they explained that I could never truly be happy unless I was absolutely and unapologetically myself. So what if I disagreed with others? That didn't mean that I had to keep my opinions locked up forever. So what if people didn't like me? I didn't like everyone I knew and that dislike didn't keep them from living their lives. I deserved happiness, respect and the freedom to be myself without caring what others thought.

They helped me realize how ridiculous and unrealistic my actions were. I spent so much of my life apologizing to others and to myself about my life, my thoughts, my likes, etc. But I had to realize that my thoughts and feelings were just as valid as everyone else's. "Opening my can" signified that I was okay with who I was and proved that I loved myself enough to show the world my truest self. I learned that expressing myself was the only way to be really free. And honestly, it helped me a bit with my anxiety because I wasn't so consumed with worry about what other people thought of me. I was focusing on self-love and self-care. It lifted a weight off of my shoulders and helped me breathe easier.

This is my life to live and I have to live it to the fullest. I can't do that if the real me is hiding in the shadows afraid to be seen or judged. So as soon as I "opened my can", I headed straight to this blog and changed the name to reflect that. I am who I am and I will no longer feel the need to apologize for that. I'm so glad that I finally made that decision and only wish that I had made it sooner. My life is so much better because of it.

So please, speak your truth and show absolutely everyone your true self. It's one of the best decisions that I've ever made and I will never regret it. It's impossible to make everyone happy but that's not your responsibility. It's only your responsibility to make yourself happy. Life is too short to spend any of it hiding. You were given a life and given a voice. Please use it. It took me a long time to learn that lesson. You are you for a reason and the world deserves a chance to know you.

-Chelsea