Sensitivity

For as long as I can remember, I've been an extremely sensitive person. I've worn my heart on my sleeve and had my heart broken countless times. I also think that society paints the picture that sensitive people are weak. And that collective narrative from the world made me feel so bad about myself. I thought that how sensitive or easily hurt I was meant that there was something wrong with me and I carried that burden throughout my life.

On a recent visit to my friend, I had a discussion with her about how I'd been hurt by something she accidentally did to me. Now, despite the fact that I knew that it was a complete accident, I couldn't stop myself from feeling hurt. I knew that this was my issue and I had to deal with it, especially since she'd given me a genuine apology. But no matter how much I wanted to just let it go, I felt the need to talk to her about it because I needed her to know how much it hurt me. And as I explained how I felt, I repeatedly apologized to her for overreacting and crying about what she'd done.

To my surprise, she told me to stop apologizing and scolded me for berating myself unnecessarily. She said, "I know you're sensitive. You don't have to keep apologizing." And I kept prodding, saying that I needed her to know that I was more mad at my reaction than I was at her. What she said to me has stuck with me since. "Stop looking at your sensitivity as a flaw. There's nothing wrong with being sensitive. Think of it like a car. If a car has sensitive brakes, that doesn't make it a bad car. It's just a car with sensitive brakes. The same is true for you. You're not any less of a person because you're sensitive. It's not a flaw. It's just part of who you are."

It's amazing how one conversation with someone can help you see things more clearly. I'm someone that can hear the same thing repeatedly and know that you're right. But what you said still might not stick. But if you give me an analogy, it'll sink in a lot easier. So the car analogy was just what I needed. And I do think that she's right. Being sensitive isn't something that I need to look at with disdain; in fact, I think that I should embrace it. Loving yourself is about loving all of you and I've been working really hard this past year and a half at doing just that.

Instead of viewing my sensitivity as a weakness, I'm going to start looking at it as a strength. After all, my sensitivity helps me feel compassion, sympathy and empathy for others. It helps me feel things very deeply, which allows me to be passionate; and being passionate is one of my favorite components of my personality. My sensitivity also allows me to connect more easily with others and helps me be there for people when they need me. It helps me stay in tune with my emotions and lets me know when I need to take a look at myself and what I'm feeling.

It's so easy to look at yourself and pick apart at your personality traits or flaws. It's a lot harder to recognize the strength or the potential for strength that you have inside of you. And I'm very guilty of that. It's taken a long time to retrain my brain to see myself in a positive light. It's been a lot of work and even now, I still have a lot more work to do. But I'm jumping in with both feet because learning to love myself has given me so much happiness. And isn't that what life's all about? Happiness isn't always easy to find but it's a lot easier if you start looking inside yourself for it.

So if you're overly sensitive, like me, I know that you've probably felt a little extra pain throughout the course of your life. But I also know that you're incredibly loyal, fiercely compassionate, generous, loving and strong. Don't ever lose sight of that. You may be sensitive but you're also a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. So don't reject it, embrace it and more importantly, embrace your whole self.

-Chelsea