My Favorite Books of 2021

 Before 2021, I was in the longest reading slump of my life, no exaggeration. I started to wonder if I could even call myself a reader anymore. I couldn't finish a new book to save my life and my local library was so small that I had a hard time finding anything I was interested in within their limited selection. But I've always loved to read and write, so the fact that I was losing these lifelong loves of mine was really upsetting to me. I told myself that 2021 was going to be the year that I was going to rediscover my love of books again. So I set a Goodreads goal of 12 books for the year so that it wouldn't be too overwhelming and I could slowly jump back into reading. Well, according to Goodreads, I've read 39 books this year. So I definitely surpassed this goal. 

I read some incredible books this year. I didn't love every book I read but that's okay; not every book is for every person. I read books that I've known about for years and books I've never heard of until this year. It was a very mixed bag and I'm really proud to say that I can call myself a proud bookwork again. So I'm here today to talk about my favorite books of the year. If you haven't read these yet, I would definitely recommend that you go check them out!

1) The How and the Why by Cynthia Hand

This story follows Cassandra, a teenager that was adopted when she was a baby. It was a closed adoption, so she has no idea who her biological parents are. Her adoptive family has given her an incredible life but the story begins when her adoptive mother is in the hospital with a heart condition. Cassandra learns that letters were written to her by her biological mom when she was pregnant. So the book follows Cassandra's search for the letters while also balancing the guilt she feels for doing so while her mother is sick/in recovery. 

The letters were definitely my favorite part of the book. I love when books do flashbacks or include written letters. It's always such a nice touch. I couldn't put this book down. Hand's writing was just so addicting. Her characters were so compelling and I was genuinely invested in the journey to find out about her birth mother. When the book was over, I was scared to read another one because I knew that I couldn't possibly love it as much as I loved this one. 

2) Daughter of the Pirate King by Tricia Levenseller

Alosa, daughter of the elusive and powerful Pirate King, allows herself to be taken hostage aboard her enemies' ship while she secretly looks for a map for her father. While onboard, she falls in love with the ship's first mate and discovers that her life with her father might not be what she thinks it is. 

This book was so much fun! I couldn't put this down. The banter between Alosa and Ryden was perfect. This book had everything, romance, humor, action, betrayal. Alosa's backstory was so interesting and it was perfect for fans of Pirates of the Caribbean (which I am). I immediately went to Barnes and Noble to pick up the sequel. 

3) The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

Avery Grambs is randomly left a billionaire's fortune, even though she never met him before he passed. The only condition for receiving the fortune is that she has to live in his mansion for a year. Unfortunately, his family is, understandably, very upset that they've been stilted in the will. While in the house, Avery receives death threats, becomes involved in a love triangle and tries to solve the mystery of why she was left the fortune in the first place. 

This book had so many twists and turns. It was such a wild ride. I am not someone that's adept at solving puzzles or figuring out riddles, so every twist caught me completely off-guard. I loved the use of games within the story. It showed that the author really thought everything out beforehand. The characters had big personalities and they were so much fun to follow. I preordered the sequel immediately and also loved it. 

4) Go the Distance (Twisted Tales #11) by Jen Calonita

This year, I decided that, since I'm such a big Disney fan, that I'd start reading the Twisted Tales series. I read 5 this year but this one was by far my favorite. This book starts out right after Hercules defeated the Titans. He tries to give up his rights to Mount Olympus to be with Meg as a mortal but his request is denied. So the only way for he and Meg to be together is if she becomes a god like Hercules. She is then sent on a quest to save her ex-boyfriend's wife from the underworld. If she can't do so before the time limit, then she can't be with Hercules. 

This one was another book that was just pure fun. It was amazing to jump into this world and go on such an interesting adventure. I loved that Meg wasn't just saving someone random. This gave her a real challenge, to save the wife of the man she gave up her soul for. I could definitely see myself reading this again, which is more than I could say for some of the other Twisted Tales. I also picked up Mirror, Mirror, also by Calonita, this year (the Snow White Twisted Tale) and that one was also really good. But if you're looking for a Twisted Tale to start off the series, please go with this one. 

5) The Afterlife of Holly Chase by Cynthia Hand

17-year-old Holly Chase is visited by 3 ghosts on Christmas Eve and shown the error of her selfish ways. The ghosts try to warn her that if she doesn't change her ways, that when she dies, there will be punishment. She ignores all of their advice and ends up dying shortly after their visit. As part of her punishment, she is doomed to live as the new Ghost of Christmas Past. She has her new job for a few years and goes through the motions until one day, she falls in love with the new prospect for Project Scrooge. 

This was the first and only book that I read in a day this year. There is just something about Hand's writing that I find addicting. I wasn't even sure that I was going to love this book when I first bought it. I just picked it up because it was December and I wanted to read something about Christmas. I'm so glad that I gave this book a chance. I loved all of the characters, the wit, the world that Hand created and the ending. Hand definitely solidified herself as my new favorite author this year. If you've never read her books before, please pick them up. You won't be sorry!

Overall, I had a very solid reading year and I'm very pleased with all of the books that I was able to finish. What were your favorite books of 2021? Have you read any of my favorites? What were your thoughts? 

-Chelsea 

Mom Guilt

 It's no secret that motherhood is hard. It's the most beautiful and fulfilling job in the world but it's still hard. And despite the hundreds of parenting books out there, there is no way to be a perfect parent or escape the overwhelming feelings that come along with parenting. I know that everyone experiences their own hardships and views things differently. But for me personally, the hardest part of motherhood so far has been what people call "mom guilt". 

I know the type of mother that I want to be. I want to be kind, nurturing, understanding, firm, tough but fair. Authoritative, not authoritarian. Not too lax and not too strict. I want my son to know that he can come to me for anything and that I'll never judge him. I want him to respect me, not fear me. I want him to know that I'm a safe place for him. But as much as I want to be his best friend, he needs to know that I'm his parent first. And I want him to know that every choice that I ever make, I'm making with him in mind. 

And even though I feel those feelings in my bones, I question every decision I make. A lot of parenting is picking your battles. Every day I wonder if I pick too many battles or not enough. I worry about if I'm letting him watch too much TV or if I'm not working with him enough outside of school. I worry if I'm too strict or if I'm not strict enough. I worry about his eating habits and if I'm making sure that he's eating healthy enough. 

And every time that I question myself, I get overwhelmed with feelings of guilt. 

I know that I'm doing my best and I never know what life is going to throw at me. Despite all of the research I've done about raising kids, I'm just winging this parenting thing. And I know that even when parents have the best of intentions, sometimes things don't turn out the way that they want them to. There's just no way to know how your child is going to interpret your actions or what they'll like or resent about the way that you raised them. But no matter what, how we parent and what choices we make ultimately influence our children's personalities and worldviews. 

And man is that a lot of responsibility. 

My son is the light of my life. He represents everything good about this world. He is smart, athletic, funny, kind, silly, creative, sweet, brave and strong. He is everything that I ever could've wanted him to be and more. And the last thing that I would ever want to do is dull his shine. 

He has a close relationship with his grandparents. He's in a soccer program that he loves. He is clothed, fed and has a roof over his head. I feed him organic when I can afford it. He goes to a good school. He's happy. And still, if you asked me to say the sentence "I'm a good mom", I would struggle to get the words out. The guilt and the insecurity that I often feel would take over. I know that as a mom, I'm doing the best that I can. I can only hope that it's good enough. 

Mothers are judged often and hard by society. We need to lift each other up, not tear each other down. So please, tell the mothers that are in your life that they're doing a good job. You have no idea how much they might need to hear that. 

-Chelsea 

I'm Using My Voice

Over the past few months, I've gone through a lot of changes, some internal and some external. My world has truly felt like it was turned completely upside down. Not only has there been a global health pandemic, my personal life has gone through some dramatic shifts as well. My husband's military contract ended, we moved back to our home state and we're both now trying to pick up the pieces to see what the next chapter of our lives looks like. I've decided to make the transition from working from home/being a stay-at-home mom to becoming a working mom. I've had friendships and other personal relationships tested. Truly, I've felt pushed to my limit at times and the stress has gotten to me. But in the midst of these challenges and changes, I've had to learn how to adapt. These last few months have helped turn me into a different person and I truly do think that these changes are for the better.

I've always self-identified as someone that was very shy, timid and anxious in my personal life. It was as if I was afraid of the world and everyone in it. I'd get weighed down by the force of my own anxiety and paralyzing thoughts. But when I'd do what people call "play a role" I was a different person. It was as if I could turn a switch in my brain and all of a sudden, I was a confident, no nonsense person that wasn't afraid of anyone or anything. And I honestly didn't care if people liked me or not. I had a job to do. It was as if I had an alter ego. The Chelsea that quarterbacked her football team or fulfilled the supervisor role at her grocery store job was not the same Chelsea that people saw in my day-to-day life. 



And people used to ask me all the time, "How come we're seeing two different versions of you? If you can be confident sometimes, how come you can't be confident all the time?" And I didn't always have an answer. But I think it came down to feeling like I needed permission. On the football field, I had permission from my coaches to push my players. I had permission to lead them and to make decisions that would ultimately change the outcome of the game. When I started working the front office at the grocery store, I had permission from my bosses to enforce rules and regulations. I had permission to hold the staff accountable for doing their jobs and making sure that the store standards were held. But I didn't feel like, in my everyday life, I had permission to say what I was thinking or stick up from myself, without fear or the need to apologize for disagreeing with someone. I felt like I never stopped walking on eggshells. And that was exhausting, both mentally and emotionally.



But as I'm getting closer and closer to my 30s, I'm realizing that I no longer have the patience to do that anymore. I don't have time to keep putting myself in positions where I feel like I can't speak my piece for fear of someone else's reaction. I don't have time to be miserable or tolerate being treated badly by someone just because I love them. I've realized that I don't need permission to be strong or to feel convictions about my life anymore. And even if I did, I give myself that permission. The first part of taking my power back was realizing that I never had to give it to someone else in the first place. And now that I know that, I'm never giving it away again. 



Clichés are clichés for a reason: because they're true. So when people say, "Life is too short to be unhappy" or "Life is too short to not say what's on your mind" they're absolutely right. I wasted so much of my life being scared of what would happen if someone didn't like me or if I said something that hurt someone's feelings, even if I truly felt that they needed to hear it. And it got me nowhere. Now, I'm getting to the point where I realize that all I can control is how I act and react in different situations. 

I truly feel as if I've gone through my own personal metamorphosis. There have been times where I wonder if I've let the world harden me or if my skin has become too thick. But I know that I needed to grow because what I was doing clearly wasn't working for me. And to be quite honest, it wasn't working for the people closest to me. I felt like I had to be who they wanted me to be and that I couldn't give them my honest opinions. I felt like I had to censor or water down my personality and thoughts. But I realize now that that's not true. I can't be who anyone else wants me to be and even when I tried, I was never really happy with myself. I knew it was wrong but I kept doing it anyway because I was scared of the possible consequences I'd deal with. But once I stopped being afraid and started being upfront with people, I realized that it wasn't the end of the world. The worst that would happen is that someone would get mad at me. But life moves on no matter what and I had to learn how to move on with it. 



Nobody's voice is more important than another's. Everyone is equal. So by allowing myself to act like what everyone else thought or wanted was more important than what I thought or wanted, I was ultimately doing myself a disservice. I wasn't less important or less deserving than they were. I'm equal and I always have been. I just wish that it didn't take me so long to realize it.



I know that I'm going to make choices that people don't agree with and that I'm going to disagree with people on a daily basis. But I'm not going to allow myself to be held down by self-doubt or fear anymore. What I think is important. What I feel is important. What I want is important. And ultimately, at the end of the day, I shouldn't be scared of expressing my opinion. I have a responsibility to myself to live and express my truth. I can't control what happens after and as someone that tends to thrive on control, normally that would scare me. But it doesn't. I feel incredibly at peace with the decisions I've made and the things that I've said because ultimately, whenever I've done anything, I thought it was the right thing to do.



I have to set a good example for my son and show him that he shouldn't be afraid of doing or saying anything, whether it's sticking up for himself, standing up to a friend or just not being afraid to express his opinion or truth. I have to be someone that can look at myself in the mirror and tell myself that I've lived life authentically and unapologetically myself.

When I started therapy journey back in 2012, my therapist told me that whenever someone tried to ignore what I was saying or put me down for my opinion to say, "I'm using my voice". That way, I could convey to the person just how important what I said was to me and they would know that I needed to be heard. 

So look out, world. I'm using my voice. 

-Chelsea