We had been drifting apart for a while and we both didn't want to admit it. I dated my first real childhood crush. We crushed on each other for 7 years before we officially started dating. We knew everything about each other, did everything together, were the best of friends. We literally grew up together. I spent every spare second that I had at his house. That's why it hurt so bad when we realized that it wasn't going to work out anymore. I mean, sure, every single heartbreak is going to hurt. But when your best friend/person you're in love with breaks your heart, the pain is definitely magnified.
I really did try to make the relationship work. But there is only so long that you can pretend that everything is okay. We both didn't want to hurt each other, so we didn't pull the plug as soon as we should've. In all honesty, the breakup was completely mutual when we finally admitted our true feelings to each other. And we probably could've spared each other a lot of pain and wasted time if we had just come clean earlier.
This is a picture of Carey (my best friend) and I when we were 16. Just thought I'd give you a sneak-peek into what I looked like during this time of my life. I didn't want to show a picture of the boy I'm talking about, out of respect for his privacy.
The thing was, even though we both wanted the break up, it still hurt like hell. It was exactly what we wanted but to actually say the words and admit that there wasn't any more hope for us was absolutely devastating. So even though my heart was completely shattered for a good few months and then we lost contact, I did learn a lot of valuable life lessons from it.
1. If you're unhappy, say so. Quite simply, everyone deserves to be happy and if you're staying in a relationship because you're afraid to hurt the other person, you're not really doing them (or yourself) any favors. Honesty is the best policy and even though it'll probably suck in the beginning, it will get better.
2. Don't feel guilty for your feelings. One of my most important life mantras is to not apologize for what I'm feeling. I can't control how I feel and nobody can tell you how to feel or how you're supposed to feel. So just focus on yourself and how you need to deal with your experiences. I really wish that I had learned this before the breakup. I definitely think that I would've handled it better.
3. Confide in your friends. I'm generally a pretty private person, so even though I had heart-to-hearts with my friends, I typically kept a lot of my personal life private. As a result, a lot of my feelings got bottled up. That works for a little while but sooner or later, those feelings have to get released. Unfortunately for me, those feelings got released on the night of my breakup. I literally cried for hours. I woke up the next morning for school and my face was swollen, red and puffy. So I finally let my friends in on my problems once I got to school and that weight was finally lifted off of my shoulders. Quite frankly, your friends are there for you. They're in your corner. So talk to them because they are there to help you in times of need. And breakups are definitely a time of need.
That being said, I do not regret my relationship with this person for one second. The time that we were together was filled with a lot of happy memories and lots of laughs. Plus, I did learn a lot, especially about myself. But of course, it isn't my fondest relationship; that would have to be my relationship with Kristopher. :)
-Chelsea
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