Learn a Little More About Me

A while back, I dropped the ball on this whole blogging thing and very recently, I've been trying to make a conscious effort to start posting on a more regular basis. Once I started becoming more active, I gained a couple new followers. So, thank you to everyone that has decided to follow me, both new and old. I thought that since new people would be following along with me on my journey that it might be a good idea to introduce myself a bit and share some things about myself that you might not know from my blog posts. I hope you enjoy getting to know me a little bit more about me.

1. I'm allergic to cats. This is a common allergy in my family. In fact, most people on my father's side of the family are allergic to cats.

2. I'm very hard on myself. I put a lot of pressure on myself to be perfect even though I know it's unattainable. It's caused a lot of unnecessary strife in my life and it's a problem that I'm making a conscious effort to try to solve.

3. I have an English degree with an emphasis in Literature. I graduated on October 21st of last year and it was one of the best feelings of my entire life.

4. I'm very frugal. I try my best to use coupons when I can and make sure to buy things that are on sale. I've always been this way though. Even as a child, I was a saver and hardly ever touched the money in my piggy bank. I have a very healthy respect for money and know the value of a dollar.

5. If I'm reading a book, I always feel the need to finish it. Even if I'm not enjoying the book, I feel like I have to know how it ends. After investing so much time into it, I feel like if I don't finish it, then I've just wasted my time. Either way you look at it, it can be seen as a waste of time, which is even more frustrating to me. Unfortunately, it's a habit of mine that's been very hard to kick.

I hope that you've enjoyed this little insight into getting to know me better and that you stick around to learn more.

-Chelsea

Please Stop Asking Me This

When a major event happens in your life, some people congratulate you and others tend to ask you inappropriate questions. For example, when I was 20 years old, my boyfriend and I decided to get married before he went into the army. I recognize that 20 is a very young age to get married but it was my choice. And yet, the people that weren't happy for me proceeded to ask me, "What? Are you pregnant or something?"

For the record, I wasn't pregnant. But even if I was, it wouldn't have been anyone's business. If I wanted to tell you, I would have. But the inappropriate questions didn't stop once I got married. People constantly asked me when I was going to have a baby. Some people even went as far as to tell me "It's what women do. They get married and then they have babies". I wasn't ready to have a baby yet and I didn't appreciate the insinuation that it was my "job" to do so. I didn't like the judgment that I got from people. They weren't going to raise the baby, so why was it their business to push me before I was ready? Pressuring someone to get pregnant is inappropriate on many levels because that decision is between the couple and the couple alone. But, on another note, some women can't conceive or have trouble conceiving. So, especially if you don't know the whole story, please keep that question to yourself.

But now that I am pregnant (just under 5 months), the inappropriate questions haven't stopped. Once I started telling people, I had many conversations that went like this:

Person: "What do you want to have?"
Me: "Excuse me?"
Person: "The baby. What kind do you want to have?"
Me: A healthy one.
Person: (Rolls eyes) "I know that but what do you want?"
Me: A healthy baby.
Person: "You know what I mean. Do you want a boy or a girl?"
Me: "Yeah, I do know what you meant. And I meant what I said. I don't care if I have a boy or a girl. I just want them to be healthy. That's all that matters."

My husband and I have both wanted kids for years but wanted to wait for the right time. Now that it is the right time and we both feel that we're ready, we're excited for the adventure of parenthood. But if we would've been unhappy with whatever gender our child would have ended up being, then that would've meant that we weren't ready for parenthood. A baby is a gift and I am beyond happy to know not only am I having a son but that he is healthy.

When my husband and I found out that we were having a boy about a week and a half ago, we were incredibly happy. The ultrasound tech told us that everything looked good and that he was developing nicely. I was filled with joy as I saw my son on the screen and even got to see him smile. We were very excited as we announced to our friends and family that we were having a boy. We received many congratulations messages and lots of support. But even then, some people still chose to ask us inappropriate questions and imply that I had a reason to be unhappy.

Person: "You found out the gender? What are you having?"
Me: "We're having a boy!"
Person: "Oh. Are you okay with that?"
Me: "Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?"
Person: "Are you okay with not having a girl?"
Me: "I don't care about the gender. All I asked for was a healthy baby. I'm ecstatic to be having a boy."

My son is the greatest gift that I'll ever receive and he is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so lucky to be his mother. I'm lucky to be able to carry him. I'm lucky to be able to nurture him. And when he's here, I'll be lucky to raise him and help him become a man. Ever since I found out I was pregnant, I had a gut feeling that I was carrying a boy. And you know what? I was thrilled. I've wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. So for people to imply that I would be upset that I was carrying a boy is extremely upsetting. The appropriate response when someone tells you that they are pregnant or for when they tell you the gender of their child is: "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!"

So please, stop implying that I would love my son less than I would love a daughter. Please stop asking me if I'm "okay with" having a boy. Honestly, I couldn't be happier and I'm counting down the days until I get to meet him.

-Chelsea

Disney Misconceptions I'm Tired of Hearing

I'm someone that's been an avid Disney fan for as long as I can remember. As such, I've seen the movies more times than I can count and have been to Disney World as many times. My house is flooded with Disney clothing, Disney memorabilia and Disney video games. So, as someone that loves Disney more than most things in life, it bothers me when people talk negatively about it. Or better yet, when I constantly hear misconceptions about the movies that couldn't be further from the truth. So, in an effort to fix that problem, I've decided to finally put it out there and hopefully educate people a little more about what gives me an endless amount of joy: Disney movies.

Misconception #1: Ariel only wanted to become a human because she met Prince Eric.

That is so incorrect that I can't even handle it. In the beginning of the movie, Ariel is swimming around with Flounder in a sunken ship looking for human things that she eventually brings to Scuttle. Scuttle helps "teach" her about human things and after that, she has an argument with her father about her fascination with humans. She even sings "Part of Your World", her "I want" song, before she even lays eyes on Eric for the first time. Eric didn't make her want to be a human. It was only after meeting Eric that she obtained the means to become human. If she'd had the opportunity before meeting him, she would've taken it.

Misconception #2: Cinderella's only dream was to find a man.

When we first meet Cinderella, she is asleep and eventually she gets woken up to start her work day. She tells the mice and birds that she had a wonderful dream that she can't share with them because it wouldn't come true. She then sings "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes". Even as she's singing, she never divulges her dream. Therefore, she NEVER states that her dream was to get married or find a man. In actuality, her dream was probably to escape her horrific lifestyle. And when she does go to the ball, she only wanted a night out. And heck, she deserved one. Her intention was to have fun, not settle down. That night just ended up giving her more than she ever could've anticipated.

Misconception #3: Snow White was a weak princess. 

Sure, Snow White isn't what is considered a "modern princess" but that doesn't make her weak. There are so many different kinds of strength in the world and they all should be appreciated. Snow White's strength was her positivity and optimism. Think about it. After the huntsman tried to kill her but then decided to let her go, she gets lost in the forest and is extremely scared. She'd just learned that her stepmom was so jealous of her that she was willing to kill her for it. She could never go back home and she'd never be safe if the queen knew she was out there. And yet, instead of dwelling on the negativity, she starts singing a song to the animals to cheer herself up. Instead of feeling sorry for herself, she chooses to pick herself up and move on, eventually finding the 7 dwarves' cottage. It is extremely easy to only see the negatives in life. It takes real strength to push past it and still see the world as a positive and beautiful place. So although Snow White isn't traditionally strong, that doesn't mean that she isn't strong. She is strong, just in her own way.

People love to give Disney princesses a lot of flack and I don't understand why. Their stories are about love, kindness and bravery and they're meant to bring people joy. So I hope that reading this has helped people realize that Disney princesses should be cut a little slack. They're so much more than women that just want to get married even though that's what people constantly try to portray them as.

-Chelsea

The Story Behind My Blog's Name

I've always been the type of person that wanted everyone to like me. I went out of my way not to step on anyone's toes and often kept my opinion to myself because I didn't want to disagree with or upset anyone. I always did my best to put everyone's happiness before my own. I told myself that they deserved it more than I did. I've done that for as long as I can remember but after a while, I realized that it wasn't enough for me anymore. Bottling everything up inside was becoming too much for me. I started to feel like a fake person because people were only seeing part of me, the part of me that I wanted them to see. But that was never my intention. I just wanted to avoid conflict at all cost and keep the peace, no matter what cost it brought to me.

But people close to me started to notice the effects of this and confronted me about it. Two people in particular sat me down and told me to "open my can of screw it". At first, I had absolutely no idea what that meant but they explained that I could never truly be happy unless I was absolutely and unapologetically myself. So what if I disagreed with others? That didn't mean that I had to keep my opinions locked up forever. So what if people didn't like me? I didn't like everyone I knew and that dislike didn't keep them from living their lives. I deserved happiness, respect and the freedom to be myself without caring what others thought.

They helped me realize how ridiculous and unrealistic my actions were. I spent so much of my life apologizing to others and to myself about my life, my thoughts, my likes, etc. But I had to realize that my thoughts and feelings were just as valid as everyone else's. "Opening my can" signified that I was okay with who I was and proved that I loved myself enough to show the world my truest self. I learned that expressing myself was the only way to be really free. And honestly, it helped me a bit with my anxiety because I wasn't so consumed with worry about what other people thought of me. I was focusing on self-love and self-care. It lifted a weight off of my shoulders and helped me breathe easier.

This is my life to live and I have to live it to the fullest. I can't do that if the real me is hiding in the shadows afraid to be seen or judged. So as soon as I "opened my can", I headed straight to this blog and changed the name to reflect that. I am who I am and I will no longer feel the need to apologize for that. I'm so glad that I finally made that decision and only wish that I had made it sooner. My life is so much better because of it.

So please, speak your truth and show absolutely everyone your true self. It's one of the best decisions that I've ever made and I will never regret it. It's impossible to make everyone happy but that's not your responsibility. It's only your responsibility to make yourself happy. Life is too short to spend any of it hiding. You were given a life and given a voice. Please use it. It took me a long time to learn that lesson. You are you for a reason and the world deserves a chance to know you.

-Chelsea

A Letter to My Baby

Dear Baby Smith,

There is so much that I don't know about you yet. I don't know your eye or hair color. I don't know your gender. I don't know what your father and I will name you. I don't know what kind of personality you'll have. But there is one thing that I do know, that I love you more deeply than I ever thought it was possible to love someone.

You'll never know just how badly I wanted you or how often I prayed to be a mother. The day that your father and I found out about you was the happiest day of our lives. I remember the total disbelief that I felt as I stared down at those two pink lines. It was happening. You were on your way. We were going to be parents and our lives would be forever changed for the better. From the second that I looked at that positive pregnancy test, I was a mother and nothing was more important than you. Nothing will ever be more important than you. I have seen you in an ultrasound and I have heard your heartbeat. Those moments will forever be solidified in my memory. I will never forget how lucky and blessed that I felt to get those tiny glimpses of you. Those moments made everything more real and added so much joy to my life.

I was creating life, your life. I was creating you. You are my greatest achievement and my proudest creation. I imagine all of the fun that we will have together, all of the laughs that we will share. I am treasuring every moment of this pregnancy. Please take your time growing. Take as long as you need. I can't wait to meet you but I know that you'll let me know when you're ready to meet the world.

I can't wait to kiss your cuts and bruises. I can't wait to teach you how to ride a bike. I can't wait to hold you for the first time. I can't wait to hear you laugh. I can't wait to watch you grow and learn. I can't wait to see the person that you will grow up to be. I can't wait to be your parent.

Your grandparents taught me a lot and I will definitely be using what they taught me when I raise you. I can't promise you that I will do everything right, no matter how hard I try. But please know, that no matter what, I will do my absolute best every single day. I will be learning right along with you. I will always do what I think is best for you. We will disagree at times and we'll get mad at each other. But it won't matter. Those things will pass. But what will never change is that we love each other and that will always be the most important thing.

You are so incredibly loved already and you aren't even here yet. But it's not just by your father and I. Our friends and family have rallied behind us and have been so supportive and loving. They all can't wait to meet you and welcome you into the world. You will always have an endless supply of love.

I will give you the best life that I can. I can't promise you the best that money can buy. I can't shower you with everything that you'll ever want. But I will always find a way to make sure that you get what you need. I will teach you everything that I can about life and help you navigate the complexities of your own. I will help you figure out who you are and teach you how to love yourself, no matter what. I will nurse your heartbreaks and hold you while you cry. I will always give you a shoulder to cry on. We are in this together and I will always be there for you. Your father and I will always be your biggest supporters, your biggest cheerleaders and your biggest fans.

Having you was our dream and now it is our next big adventure. Thank you for choosing us to be your parents. We love you so much already Baby Smith and I promise that our love will continue to grow as you do.

Love,

your mommy

#MeToo

The hashtag #MeToo has been all over social media for the past few days. For those of you who don't know, it is a movement that helps spread awareness for how many women have been sexually harassed or assaulted. The idea is that if women say "me too" that we will realize just how big the problem is.

I posted #MeToo on my Facebook page but to be honest, I almost didn't. I was embarrassed and for a minute I thought, what if the experiences that made me feel uncomfortable aren't valid? And then I realized that every single person that experiences sexual assault and sexual harassment is valid. Every person counts, no matter what. I think that sexual assault and harassment are not taken seriously enough in mainstream culture. But I cannot tell you how many people on Facebook, Twitter, etc., have said #MeToo. I applaud everyone's bravery and because of the countless people that have posted it, I know that this movement is working. People are talking about sexual harassment and assault. People are becoming aware of just how many women are sexually assaulted and harassed, whether it happened once or dozens of times. And every time that someone posts it, there is support. Some girls were brave enough to share their stories and it started a conversation that said our culture needs to get better at protecting each other.

As a female, I've experienced a lot of sexual harassment and some sexual assault but unfortunately, no repercussions ever came for those men that did those things to me. I worry not only about myself but also about my friends, my family, my little sister and my future kids. This is not the world that I want my future kids to grow up in, a world where people think that treating women like that is acceptable or funny.

So I am taking this opportunity to share SOME of my experiences with you all in an attempt to finally call out the men that did those unacceptable things to me. It is not okay and it never was okay.

To the guy in the produce section of my grocery store that came up behind me and grabbed my butt without permission

To the guy that followed me to my car every night after work and tried to convince me to sleep with him 

To the guy that grabbed my breast at work 

To the guy that came up behind me and groped me at my friend's birthday party 

To the boyfriend who tried to force me to sleep with him because he said "I owed it" to him 

To the boy that used to "joke" that he was going to rape me

Society has taught women to be silent when these things happen to us. Or to just ignore it. Or to "stop being so dramatic". Or "boys will be boys". No. Boys won't be boys. That is not, nor has it ever been, a valid excuse for this kind of behavior that falls on countless girls every day. There is no excuse and we will no longer be silent. We live in a culture where when a woman says she's been sexually harassed or assaulted, the first question people ask is "Well, what were you wearing?" Or they say something like "You were asking for it."

Sexual assault and harassment are not jokes and they shouldn't be treated like they are. I can guarantee you that when I was 13 years old and walking home from my local grocery store, I didn't "ask" to be followed by creepy men in their car all the way to the end of my street. And what a person's wearing has nothing to do with anything. If we "wanted it", it wouldn't be called assault or harassment. News flash, people. Those words mean that we didn't want it.

So no more excuses. No more blaming women. No more believing that "boys will be boys". I know that not every man is like this but it's time to call out the men that are. It's time to speak up about this issue and realize that it is a much bigger problem than most people think. I am absolutely heartbroken over reading my friends' and family members' stories and it's time to make sure that no other girl ever has a story like that again. Don't you think?

Me too.

-Chelsea

Pole Dancing: The Bigger Picture

It is no secret that pole dancing has brought nothing but joy to my life. I'm very vocal about my love my for everything about this sport. It has given me amazing friends, great memories, a new way to exercise, countless laughs and an outlet to express creativity. However, it has also given me a new addiction: competing. Pole dancing competitions are some of the most nerve-wracking things that I've ever done and I still love every second of them. As a naturally competitive person, of course, I want to win. But that doesn't always happen because that's life.

Today I got home from a competition and if I'm being honest, I was disappointed. I had fun going on a road trip with all of my friends from the studio and I had a great time competing. But when I saw my scores, honestly, I was upset. I was very proud of my routine and although I didn't expect to win, I couldn't understand why or how I scored the way that I did. It is difficult when you spend a lot of money to register, spend weeks working on a routine, go through the nerves, actually perform it and wait for the results, only to find out that you didn't do as well as you'd hoped. And that's how I felt when I looked at that score sheet.

Even though I was extremely mad and bitter about it, I had to take a step back and look at the situation. For my routine, I was playing a character and I needed two human props to make my concept happen. So my instructor and another friend from my studio helped out and became human props for my routine. To do that, they had to drive about six hours to the location, pay money to stay in a hotel, be a part of the routine, pay for all of their food while they were gone and drive six hours on the way back home. And they did that for me. Even though they didn't have to. Even though they were only in my routine for around 20 seconds. Even though it wasn't their routine.

Realizing that helped me see the bigger picture. I love pole dancing. I love competing. But what I love the most is the amazing community that I am a part of. Everyone within the community has repeatedly said that pole dancers are the most supportive, most loving, most caring people. Competitions are competitive, of course, but they are also full of men and women encouraging others to do their bests and praising them just for having the guts to try. I feel incredibly grateful and lucky to be a part of this community and to have made such amazing friendship bonds with people from my studio, and others.

I had a great time this weekend. Now that the competition is over, I can say that my placement doesn't matter. I had so much fun running my routine and I left my heart out on that stage. But most importantly, I know that the incredible friends that I've made though this sport have my back and always will. Thank you so much for all that you guys do for me. Please know that it is always noticed and will always be appreciated. I'll never take you all for granted and I don't know how to repay you for all that you've done for me over the past year and a half, or over this weekend. I'm blessed to know you and I love all of you.

-Chelsea